well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
