i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
