I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
