Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
