He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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