I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
