what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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