4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
