Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
