I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
