when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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