I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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