I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
