i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
