I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
