I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
