guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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