Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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