ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize