Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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