She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
