the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
