Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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