you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina just recognized that song.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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