I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
