Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize