I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
