Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
