I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
