i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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