i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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