I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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