I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This house was built for laser tag.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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