also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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