dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
