im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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