D3 body, D1 cock
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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