I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
