and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
