In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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