There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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