were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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