Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
