I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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