I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
