i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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