Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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