I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
