I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
