Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
