I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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