how can u be prego again
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
