why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
