Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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