okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
