So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
