ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
