You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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