you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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