He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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