i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
