remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
