remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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