Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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