He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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