I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
