I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
