The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Be still, my beating vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
