I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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